No escape

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These blurry hallucinations,

these illusions

are driving me crazy

And this force is tearing

me apart

I wanna scream

but my throat is being strangled

I want to be free

But there is no escape

from the binding forces

that are present within me

No escape

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These blurry hallucinations,

these illusions

are driving me crazy

And this force is tearing

me apart

I wanna scream

but my throat is being strangled

I want to be free

But there is no escape

from the binding forces

that are present within me

My unwanted thoughts

unwanted

Falling deep, deep

deep down

Drowning in the sea of blood

The blinking lights forcing

me to keep my eyes open

These images won’t leave

my mind

I want them out

Why can’t I be free

of own unwanted thoughts?

My depressed state

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I feel like

I am sinking

deeper and deeper

I am  gasping for air

I am clinging to an iron rod

My heart is in my throat

I open and shut my moth

I yearn for a life

But all I feel is death

Magnificent and Divine

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I have felt You in my heart
like feelings of pure joy

I have heard You in the raindrops
tickling down the leaves

I have smelled Your aroma
in the garden of roses

I have read You in the enlightened Quran

You are always there
You make my depression disappear
You turn my grief into felicity

But I can’t claim to love You
Because You are
Magnificent and divine
And I am unworthy and vile.

Short term remedies for depression

This post was first published on my other blog: “rainbows and storms”.

Living with OCD and depression

Depression is a hell for me and everyone suffering from it. The long term solutions are therapy and medicines. I don’t take medicine because of the fear of getting addicted to it. There are some short term remedies that work for me and I hope that they work for you too.
1. Exercise

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For a very long time I didn’t believe in exercise. Maybe I never really understood its purpose or the benefits. But once I started it, reluctantly at first, the benefits were immeasurable. I feel calm after exercise. All the bad thoughts in my head usually go after exercise. I see hope in future which is an extremely rare thing in depression.
So folks don’t ignore exercise even if you have got nothing to do with depression.
2. Reading and writing

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Reading is my life. It takes me in the beautiful world of imagination. There are no boundaries…

View original post 188 more words

Living with OCD: entry #4

This post first appeared on my other blog

Living with OCD and depression

For the past few days I am so happy that I even forget about my OCD. When I am happy OCD doesn’t control me. That is crazy isn’t it? Maybe OCD and depression have some kind of link. Scientists should try to find it. If they find that happiness is the key in overcoming OCD, then that would be a major development in the field of mental health.

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     I am a cricket lover so I tend to be a little superstitious. No surprises there  because all sports lover are superstitious. Most of the time while watching matches my superstitions change into obsessions which I have to do (compulsions). If I refuse to do it (OCD things) then my mind would be totally plagued with the fear of losing the match.

So there is also a link between superstitions and obsessions. From these two small discoveries I infer that OCD…

View original post 11 more words

Revenge

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The dark night
The dark thoughts
I wavered, I hesitated
But my depresses, revengeful mind urged me to go on,

to take revenge from them.
I inflicted pain,
So much pain that they cried in anguish
Their cries were melody to my ears
I told them, ‘Beware, revenge is not sweet
You will be killed,
I will be killed,
Beware… ’

Hope

This is  my 5th post in 21 day writing challenge hosted by Jeff Goin

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I became a victim of severe depression in late 2012. There were multiple reasons for that. My life became so grim and I lost all the hope. There wasn’t any bright sunshine nor any silver lining as far as I could see. It seemed like there wasn’t anyone or anything that could help me. My parents, siblings all left me in the time of need. I felt helpless and cried day and night. The only thing in which I found peace was the remembrance of Allah. But I desperately needed someone to whom I could tell my pain and sufferings. In other words I  needed a shoulder to cry on.

Then one day I received a message of  my very close friend on face book.  We studied in the same school from grade 5 to grade 9. She was always very supportive and sympathetic.  I knew that she would understand my situation so I decided to tell her of my worries. She listened to me with patience and offered me the best advice. I felt lightening of my burdens after talking to her . My depression has been cured thanks to her wonderful dose of kindness.

I will remain grateful to her forever. For me she has been a life saver. She gave me a new hope, a new direction and most importantly she told me to remain positive no matter how hard the circumstances are. She also said that whenever I need any kind of help or just need someone to talk, I can always message her and she would be there for me.

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